The Pain of Discipline...

I was doing push-ups the other day, 100 of them, and along the way, my arms began to really ache. I realized that the results I wanted that I had firmly imprinted in my mind, were only available if I continued to press through the pain. Make no mistake about it, there was DEFINITELY a sensation of pain. A burning. A hot, cool, "I hate you for making me do this" feeling that my body was trying to tell my mind.

I have been thinking a lot about this concept lately. I was in Africa a few weeks ago, and it struck me that I often picture a person in my mind who is praying and crying out to God. He is passionate. He is tender. He is strong in the Lord. The effect this has more often than not though, is a discouraging one on me.

Its discouraging when I don't measure up to the picture in my mind. Its discouraging when I don't have that passion. Its disheartening when I pray without focus, or desire, or without any tenderness. I feel so, discouraged.

I realized there was a fundamental flaw in my thinking. It was found in the fact that I was consistently imagining myself being a better 'me.' I wanted to measure up to a more improved version of myself. I wanted to be the "picture" in my mind.

The guilt I feel when I don't make it is usually what I find myself focusing on. I have began to apply the approach I take to eating right, parking far from the store so I can just walk further, and sticking with my pushups, and have applied it to my prayer life.

Instead of focusing on the "bad" that I did when I missed it, I wake up and make myself think of how GOOD I will feel after I am done praying. I think of how I will feel when I don't choose to comfort myself with sin that makes me feel better than others. I think of how much better I will feel when I do what's hard right now.

This seems to remove so much of the guilt of missing a prayer time. I stop focusing on how I feel because I missed it, and now I focus on what I will feel like if I don't miss it, which is always amazing. I love that feeling of being finished with my Bible reading, praying, worshipping, Christian fellowship, or serving someone else. I feel so good when I'm finished with my pushups, when I order water or tea instead of soda. When I decide to get a salad instead of french fries, or chicken instead of red meat.

The pain I feel when I make myself get up to pray, or to make my bed in the morning, to pick up the trash today instead "getting it later," is nothing compared to the joy I feel when I DO choose the right action.

I find this statement to be true: The pain of discipline is always less than the pain of regret. So, I realize that I must shift my thinking to what I will experience when I DO the right actions spiritually and physically, not of how bad I feel when I don't.

Finally!!

The sound of a combination of my screaming friends, students, and family is still ringing in the air in San Jose/Santa Cruz. The mountains surrounding Bethany University are still echoing with the yells, screams, air horns, whistling's, and yes, oh yes, the accordian!! How hilarious was that sound!!!
If you don't know what I am talking about, then please read on. I finally finished up all the remaining units for me to be graduated from college. It has been a longer road than expected, but its all done now!

I flew into San Jose and spent some time with my friends at BU (Bethany Univsersity), namely Dennis & Judy Patton, and their 2 cutie girls: Kenzie & Marissa (we have chemistry), Devan Cox, Larissa Leifer, Ryan Popineau, Jared Hurst, Stephanie Allen, Rusty, Dr. Anderson and of course, the Spot Boyz!!!

The next day was graduation day. It was hard to really put into words all of the emotion I was feeling. I was very proud of this day. I can honestly say that outide of all the days that go into being married and being a father, this was the most important day in my life.

My Mom and Dad made it, my Granny was there, my brother Phillip flew in for the occasion, Norma, the Assoc. Dean when I was first at Bethany (who helped me more than she knows) came in from Washington, my boy Kat flew in from Hawaii for it, my very good friend Mariano came, and I had about 30 students or so come up from Lancaster. The Keyes, the Neals, the Chu's, Pastor Troy, Bonnie, Cheryl, J-Miah, Dan & Alison, Mike & Tierney, and a bunch of my other rowdies showed UP!!

When I say showed up, I aint playin either. I have rarely heard a group that size ever be THAT loud. They put a stop to the graduation! They literally shut it down for like a minute! I got up to be next to be called out, to make that famous walk across the stage, looked at different ones in the front right section that they had come to DOMINATE, made one last important phone call, and then I heard something I'd wanted to hear for a while now: "Christopher Leigh Harrell"

With that, the sound of silence was silenced. It was SOOOO LOUD!!! I felt so loved. I felt so proud and full of accomplishment.

I got to the President and he said: "Wow, you have quite the cheering section," I said: "Yah, I know, I'm sorry they are so loud." He said: "I think its wonderful!" I walked away thinking: "It IS kind of my fault, right?" I loved it all.

Then, I saw the reason I was walking across that stage and I just started crying. As I walked up to Dr. Samuel Huddleston, the only thing I could think of was the words "Thank You." I couldn't come up with anything else. I hope I love people like he has loved me. It was his dream for me to finish my education. I said to him, "this one's for you, the next ones for me."

I can't tell you how special that day was. To all of you who have emailed and wanted to make it, thank you so much. Your love isn't overlooked by me. I value those who made the trip, because I know it was a hard trip to make! I don't take it lightly. I wanted to be a model to those who knew me that finishing what you start is important. It doesn't matter if its College, Masters Commission, Marriage, Senior Projects, etc., I just wanted to show that its NOT how you start, its how you finish that matters.

I still have all the smiles, the sounds, the hugs and all written in my mind. I have already got my self sitting just day dreaming about that day, remembering all the short conversations, my Family, the phone call, the Engage Family, driving away with Pastor Sam, and leaving that day in the memory books as I plan to leave for Africa with my Pastor...it was the exact ending to that chapter I would want, and the beginning of a new one for me. It being written right now, and I'm excited to see what the Author has in mind to write for me!!

For My Grandpa, Who Taught Me This....

I had a thought come to me yesterday. I had already blogged, so I saved it for today. I'm speaking to one of my favorite people in the world (who will remain nameless in order to keep the focus on this story), and I had an epiphany.

Epiphanies are these WOW! moments where something you've NEVER thought of before suddenly pops up in your mind. You are held captive by it. It takes your breath away. It makes your heartbeat speed up. Some people in your life have the unseen talent of making this happen. My grandpa was one of those people. He has been with Jesus for a few years now, but I realized yesterday that his influence in my life continues on in ways I had never, before yesterday that is, recognized.

We moved in with my grandparents when I was around 8 or 9 years old. My grandparents house had a hallway with so many books. To my young eyes, it seemed like the biggest library ever, I mean, I felt as if you should need a library card just to come to my house sometimes (J/K!). This library hallway was on the way out to the garage, on the way out of the house, on the way to my grandparents living room, and back into our living room. You literally couldn't go from the one end of the house to the other without passing these hallway of books.

There were so many days that I would come running in from the front or backyard, and would pass through the room with the bookshelves. The bookshelves were always "yellow" to my young eyes. It looked like someone had painted the inside of the bookshelves a bright yellow with black writing that went up & down. As a little boy, I was always curious and wanting to find out about things I didn't know about.

The yellow color came from the massive amounts of National Geographic magazines that my Grandpa had. He literally had bookshelves full of these magazines. Well, my little mind was curious and I would always try to find my birthday month, February, and open it up. I was always amazed at how people lived, how different they looked, and their customs...which of course was not what I called it back then. Often times I would just randomly select a book and just read about the way people lived from all over the world. It was SO FASCINATING to my young mind and heart. It always made me excited to read them.

What I have never really thought about before was how my Grandpa's National Geographics were a very instrumental tool that God used to burden my heart for other cultures. God was in that house consistently shaping, molding, and making me into who He desired me to be. Literally, my heart was being developed into what God wanted it to be someday every time I would curiously pick out one of the magazines at "random."

It is really thought provoking for me to recognize that my Grandpa would never know what this was doing. He wasn't aware that God was preparing me for a future in missions work and ministry. He would go on to be with Jesus far before I would even ever recognize the impact he had on me. Sometimes in our lives, we won't ever get the credit we deserve for making an impact on someone else's life...but this seems to sit fine with Godly people. They love it when God gets the credit.

I also thought about how people who are just living for God, don't have to advertise that they are. They can simply live, and people's lives will be impacted by what they do and what they say. This doesn't mean you don't open your mouth to share who God is, it just means that you won't always know that your actions made a difference when you were just living your day for the Lord.

I wished I would have been able to tell him how much having those magazines would shape my heart for others, how it would remove from my mind the level of uncomfortability that lots of people have to work through in order to love people so much different than them. It removed that uncomfort, and much more, it gave me a burden to reach people different than me. God used a part of my daily routine of walking my those bookshelves on my way out of the house.

I miss my Grandpa and more as I get older. I wish I would have taken the opportunity to talk more with him before he went on to be with Jesus. I can say, for my part, that I at least desire to live a life that would make proud the man who God used in more ways than I know to shape me into who I am today.

April Showers...

Here are a few random thoughts:

I just got home from our Spring Break out here, and I had an awesome time visiting my family. I got to hang out with my nephew (see below) and my Big Brother Mark and his family. His wife Jennifer hooked it up phatty like everyday with grub food and his daughter Ashley is a sweetie. It was relaxing to just kick-back jack with them.

I also got to visit my cousin Heather and her family. She was the one who made it to the Top 17 on American Idol last year. Her family is so fun and it was like old times reconnecting with them. They own a house in the beautiful grassy meadows of North Carolina and it was so peaceful to be there with them. We watched Nacho Libre and just did what fun cousins do. Her CD is coming out in the next year, and it will be like a Christian Shania Twain type sound. Look for that!

So we are officially under way in April, and its already exciting. As some of you know, I am a big San Francisco Giants fan. I am not one of those weak sauce fans that only like their team when they are winning. I represent my team no matter what. Well, April is always the start of the new baseball season, and I am STOKED! The problem is, my boys aren't starting well. They are currently 2-6 and its looking ugly. I have faith though. We signed Barry Zito, the greatest pitcher available last season to a record $126 million dollar contract. (You better believe I will teach my son to play baseball!) Even if they aren't playing well, I still love them.

Its raining out here today in Georgia, but its beautiful. I miss being home in Lancaster and can't wait to get back. I get regular emails and texts from a bunch of the students and leaders from there, which always warms my heart. I'm learning a TON and can't wait to put it all into practice.

That's all for now, hope it wasn't too boring but just wanted to give you a quick update on me.

Love you all so much,
Pastor Chris

Introducing... My Favorite Nephew: Mark III

So I have landed in the great state of North Carolina, and its beautiful out here, let me tell you. This will be a relatively short blog, but I just wanted to let you know that I have gotten a chance to meet for the very first time in my life, and certainly in his, my baby nephew, Mark the 3rd!!

He is seriously a heck of cute baby!! Oh, and we have great chemistry already. How do I know this? Well, a few things: 1) When I say to him: "Is that my man" or "Is that my little guy?" he gets all excited. 2) He smiles at me a lot, and 3) He loves to lay on my chest and play with my hat and face.

Now, after a careful analysis of the information given, I am sure you will arrive at the same conclusion as I have...and if you haven't, I submit this picture as further proof of my belief!!

I seriously love him!!! I just wanted to let you all know that Spring Break 2007 is going WONDERFUL so far. I got to lay back on my Big Brother Mark's couch, and we both kicked up our feet and it even had one of those back massager's (spelling!) and we just talked about our upbringing and how good it was to see each other.

Okay, I said it would be brief. So I will end very quickly. My nephew and I, we are already becoming best of friends!

Oh, and one more important detail:

I am using the font of Georgia, for your information (fyi...for you abbreviators) because my current residence is in Atlanta Georgia. I just thought you would be excited about that...

More Pics of My Favorite Nephew and His Favorite Uncle Chris!!

What a Waitress Taught Me About God...

The difference between a great dining experience and a bad one can be relatively small. The waitress or waiter can make a big difference depending on how warm and friendly they are. The timing of the refills are important too. The decor sets the mood for our dinner. The smell & taste of the food and I'm sure another 15 things that make up a great dining experience.

I was at a hole in the wall restaurant that has great food. I had ordered already, and the food was coming soon. The smell of food was so good and the light jazz in the background really made me feel “relaxed.” We had ordered our drinks, and I got my usual ice water w/ a lemon. We ordered and our dining experience was on its way!

Now I have to confess, when it comes to drinking water, I’m kind of a camel. I can handle my water. I was in the middle of talking and sharing something important with some people, and the waitress came & dropped off a freshly poured ice water. I didn't even have to ask. It was just there when I needed it. This made the experience there so much more amazing. Isn’t it so nice to always have a full glass of whatever your drinking when you’re out w/ friends? You know what I mean?

As I took a sip of my freshly poured ice water w/ a lemon, I looked up at her to say thanks. She was a sweet old Italian lady mind you, and because I was telling a story we weren't going to be able to totally exchange pleasantries regarding my freshly poured water with ice, but she did something else to let me know she had her eye on me...she winked.

Yesterday morning while I was in church during the music part of worship, they played a song which is a personal favorite of mine. It’s called "Hallelujah" and Hillsong recorded it. This song, however, always reminds me of one of my favorite people in the whole world, Samantha...she's also called Sammie.

I hadn't spoken to Sammie in a while, and during this song I instantly had a picture of her come to my mind. She was in our youth ministry back home and is seriously one of my favorite people on earth. She brings the fun, the passion, and the joy of serving Christ and just being a family. Basically, she’s down. Hallelujah was her favorite song, and I was now thinking about her.

After I got done with Children’s Church, guess who calls me on my phone?? So Samantha & I are chatting it up and it dawns on me: "I just thought of her during the song this morning!" We end up talking later on, when she calls me back...and the person I was talking to was her cousin Tierney. Tierney has been an instrumental part of Sammie’s growth as a young lady who loves the Lord. I told Sammie this and she was like: "whoa, that's so weird!!"

Then, in between laughs and talking, I get a beep & the girl who had originally invited Samantha to church and was very close with Samantha while they were attending the youth ministry. When I told Sammie that Amanda was on the other line, she said: "Daaang, this whole day is like, connected."

Connected. Put together. It seems like something else is going on. In a safe way, similar to how it feels when a mother watches her child play outside…close enough to protect him, far enough to let him develop his own self-esteem and confidence.

Connected.

Is it pure coincidence? The skeptic says yes, and I would say no. I can be and feel very skilled at being a healthy skeptic...at finding reasons God "isn't" involved in some things...but do you want to know what I think was happening?

I think that in the middle of living in difficult times, Samantha found herself in need of someone who was carefully watching for whatever needs she might have. He was making sure that all the little details of her days were taking care of. He wanted to make sure the "living experience" was as great as it could be. The decor of the day was set. Even the right song was carefully selected to set the mood for the day. The "waiter" Himself was assigned to take care of all necessary arrangements, and when it seemed as if He wasn't paying attention to the needs of this awesome young lady's life...that's when Jesus winked.

I believe He "connects" certain things in our day to let us know that He is walking with us even when we can't see Him. I believe there are just certain days, maybe not everyday, but certain ones that cause me to sit back and just say: “Hmmmmm,” “Whoaaaa,” or as Samantha said: “Daaaaang!”

God used ordinary people lives to do make sure His loved ones get winked at by God. This makes all of us very important in the day to day affairs of people's lives...everyday.

I am so relieved to know that when I’m hungry and in need of someone to be keeping their eye on me, that I can count on Jesus to do this. And when I look up to notice what I have just watched Him do, He looks at me and says: “I got my eye you, son.” Then He winks.

All Chained Up

I was in a church service this morning, and was enjoying the music portion of the worship service. I chose my usual seat, up in the balcony, away from as many people as possible so I can sing as loud as I want to, and not really feel like any one except God can hear me. It helps me to concentrate on just Him.
I walked down the back steps, and tried not to draw any attention to myself. I had a plan. I wanted to be involved in a fun ministry I knew was taking place at the same time as the service I was in.
I walked down the hall, said hi to a man who didn't want to smile at me, and then, I heard the rumblings of what I was looking for...I could hear the sounds of children's voices having fun. It sounded like they were trying to shout directions at the same time to someone up front. I finally was able to see what they were all doing.
They were all split up into teams, and since blue is my favorite color, I decided to sit with blue. They were in 3rd place out of 4 teams. There wasn't much I could do, but I was determined to try.
I was sitting with some of the students I knew, when the Pastor asked me to come up and help him. The room was dark, with only the light with the color of the team you were on shining on each team. They had fog machines going, so it was, well...foggy.

He was sharing about how bitterness can wrap up your heart and hurt it. He then proceeded to wrap chains around me and put 4 different locks on them.
I couldn't move. The chains were heavy as well. I began to realize I was being set up.
I had gone into this room looking to help with loving children. They share such a big part of my heart. They are what we all long to be....free and innocent. They aren't worried about being cool yet. They aren't afraid to let go and just be goofy. They aren't trying to fit in, they aren't trying to figure out God, or ministry, or how to find their future someone, what job to take, where to go to school. They are children, and they are free.

The set up continues. I begin to recognize that the heart I have can get chained up inside when I am not careful. I can allow the careless choice to remain bitter to eat away at my strength and innocence, and to 'weigh' me down. When he unlocked the chains, I was no longer bound. I could walk freely. I could go wherever I wanted to. I could sit by who ever I wanted to.

I realized that sometimes we think we are free to do "what we want," when really, we are doing the opposite of what someone wants us to. We aren't free, we are still chained up. We have made ourselves believe we are free, when really, we woul have a very difficult time stopping our current choices.
I want to be really free. I want to be free to be innocent, and to go where I really want to be able to go, which is wherever the Lord would have use of me. I want to be free enough to go into a childrens church, get chained up, sit next to some boys and encourage them to listen, and free enough to see that while I'm going where God has use of me, He is teaching me about the freedom to be there in the first place.

Testing, 1,2, Take 2 on the Blog!

Okay, so this is my second attempt at trying to keep in touch with everyone. I hope this time it goes much better with you replying and keeping in touch, but if not, I'm really going to try to put stuff out here no matter how many of y'all want to hollah.

Here is a visual illustration for all of you visual learners...my little nephew Mark the 3rd, showing us all New Beginnings, which is what this blog is.

I miss you all so much and hope this helps a little with you being able to feel close while we are physically far a way right now.

I'm going to catch you all up w/ the next post...but for now, subscribe to this post and that way you can get emails telling you when there's is new info here. I miss you all so much and hope to hear from you soon.

In Process,
Pastor Chris